The Chameleon in the Closet by BJ Rosenfeld, Troy Publishing 2010. 226 pages.

Text taken from the author's website. BJ's memoir, The Chameleon in the Closet, traces the universal journey parents take as their children try to find their place in the world. Her older son did not want her to write this book. The story is his, he insisted. However, when he broke with his Conservative Jewish upbringing and plunged into Orthodoxy, BJ was confronted with the challenge of accepting or rejecting his rigorous religious beliefs. She has become a chameleon. She changes her clothing and demeanor, not at whim, but to suit the situation and the circumstances. Her closet contains two distinct wardrobes: shorts, slacks, and sleeveless tops for the world she lives in; long skirts and long-sleeved blouses for the world in which her sons both exist. With candor, passion, and humor, The Chameleon in the Closet is a unique tribute to all parents who stand behind their children’s life-altering decisions.

BJ's publishing career began at the University at Albany in New York where she was assistant editor of Campus Viewpoint. Before starting a career as a free-lance writer, she taught Spanish, French and remedial reading in upstate New York. She also coached speech and debate. As president of the Capital Organization of Language Teachers, she wrote a newsletter for foreign language teachers. Kashrus Magazine published an early version of her memoir. An essay of hers was read on Northeast Public Radio. BJ's cover stories, articles, interviews, and Op-ed pieces have appeared in the Jewish World, Boom Magazine, the Times Union, the Saratoga Business Journal, the Glens Falls Business Journal, the Saratogian, and the Community News. She was the subject of an article that ran in the Patriot Ledger.

Author's Website

Comments by Judy Cohen

A Chameleon in the Closet is a great read for any parent, but particularly for a parent whose children have chosen a different, albeit legitimate path – to become more or less religious, to make aliyah, to take on a career, family setting or lifestyle that requires adjustment on the parents' part.

Indeed, when a child chooses a different way from the one in which he was brought up, it can be a complicated business. Many parents and siblings find it hard water to navigate, feeling that their loved one has been lost and replaced by a stranger. But beyond the new rules and customs, the clothing changes and kitchen accommodations, the new experiences and awkward moments, he/she is still there, still part of the family.

BJ recognizes this, as she describes her new "chameleon" lifestyle with wisdom, humor, insight and acceptance. Her love for her sons Yehudah, and Chaim turns what could be an ordeal into an amazing learning experience. Her life has become more complex, but has also been enriched.

In Chapter 15 Rosenfeld describes the "vort" – her son's betrothal ceremony. This vivid description transported me back to a moment five years ago. My family and my daughter-in-law's family had gathered, with others, at a Chabad Yeshivah in Tel Aviv for their "vort". My other three children were eager to meet Orli's 5 siblings. We were a secular family who had observed some traditions, while my machutanim were modern Orthodox, from Kibbutz Sde Eliahu. Both Nadav and Orli were considered Baalei tshuvah, much more religious that their families. At some point during the vort, my sister said, "Where are the kids?" My children and Orli's sisters and brothers had disappeared.

She set out to look for them and returned shortly. "They're all sitting at the local pizzeria, talking about their crazy brother and sister." A strong, lasting friendship had been forged.

There are parents who take a rigid stand, saying that any other way of dealing with the situation would be compromise, weak or hypocritical. These parents may find they have lost a significant part of their world. BJ has found the way – not surrender and subjugation, but adjustment, open-mindedness and negotiation – to keep her world and be enriched by her sons' world as well. This is the story of a win-win situation.

This book is available at:
Gur Arieh Bookstore, Yoel Solomon St 8, Jerusalem
Tel: 02-625-7486. Fax: 02-625-4265

Books can be ordered from eLuna.com, for delivery in Israel only.